I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
