if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
