Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
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Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
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Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Use "feeling words"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.