so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
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Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
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We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP