Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.

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  (949): My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout. http://tfl.nu/7ut3
  Replies (3) Good night (4421) Bad night (742)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?

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  (407): the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day? http://tfl.nu/2o1l
  Replies (17) Good night (5667) Bad night (966)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face

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  (856): my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face http://tfl.nu/f36p
  Replies (3) Good night (1140) Bad night (3424)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.

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  (314): Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us. http://tfl.nu/5cyi
  Replies (12) Good night (5925) Bad night (1617)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"

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  (208): he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something" http://tfl.nu/rcyf
  Replies (26) Good night (7504) Bad night (1281)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.

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  (317): update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good. http://tfl.nu/p2ef
  Replies (6) Good night (3925) Bad night (745)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."

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  (504): And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone." http://tfl.nu/d5h9
  Replies (15) Good night (2710) Bad night (1107)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.

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  (815): He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet. http://tfl.nu/dtlg
  Replies (6) Good night (2391) Bad night (1761)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean

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  (716): I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean http://tfl.nu/rm0w
  Replies (17) Good night (1418) Bad night (2710)
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  (562): View more from California

  I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.

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  (562): I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy. http://tfl.nu/l30m
  Replies (9) Good night (3287) Bad night (828)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars

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  (813): My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars http://tfl.nu/ok6n
  Replies (3) Good night (2194) Bad night (660)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.

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  (210): Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT. http://tfl.nu/29iu
  Replies (17) Good night (4323) Bad night (952)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.

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  (201): Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea. http://tfl.nu/863y
  Replies (4) Good night (856) Bad night (782)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong

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  (717): This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong http://tfl.nu/jhbp
  Replies (22) Good night (1551) Bad night (570)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.

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  (719): I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/5dxo
  Replies (11) Good night (1371) Bad night (571)

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