I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.