I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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