I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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