barbara walters just said penis...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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