Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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