Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
