do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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