I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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