Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
