vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
