i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.