just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
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I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
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The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze