Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
