my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
