i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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