is wine microwaveable?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
