My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize