THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
