6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
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So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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