She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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