You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize