Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
