why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
