Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
