p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
