I puked a lego.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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