Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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