My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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