Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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