New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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