So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
