Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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