Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
