Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
