Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
