cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
