I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
