I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
