She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize