That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
