one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
