Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
