Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
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I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
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I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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