Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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