Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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