shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
