Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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