Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
