So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
