I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
