Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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