hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
babies were throwing up all over the place
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I could fuck to npr.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think i got beer on your cat.
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