GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
did you just send me my own nude
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
