Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
