she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
