This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
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You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
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its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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