also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
