Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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