there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
