if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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