mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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