I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
